In Which We Discover I Am a Total Wuss

Not that we didn't know this already...


I used to like roller coasters, loved the release of tension, sheer terror, sense of being alive that came with a ride on a good one. And then when I was fairly young, my father took me on this old, rickety coaster made of wood (and possibly held together with chewing gum) that rattled and swayed unnervingly as we neared the top. It was my last roller coaster. I later took up watching horror movies for the exact same reason - the nudging of primal, lizard brain kind of emotions, tension and release and I always felt relaxed and invigorated after watching a good horror movie.


(Yes, I know that sounded a little dirty, but like I once opined, good horror is a lot like good sex. Today, though, it's about the former)


Sometime last year, I read a review in Entertainment Weekly about Dead Snow and have been waiting with bated breath for the DVD release. Although normally not a fan of zombie movies - with the exception of the brilliance that is Shaun of the Dead – I had to watch this one. Medical students, an isolated cabin in the mountains, lots of snow and Nazi zombies. Oh, and it's in Norwegian. Does it get any better than that??


The DVD finally arrived a couple weeks ago and I've been trying to make encourage David to watch it with me, but he has charmingly evaded this. Apparently, dude has forgotten that watching horror movies makes your beloved crawl all over you during tense moments. Or – sidetrack - it's more like the time when newly engaged, my father asked my mother why she didn't peel him grapes anymore, to which she replied "you don't set out bait for fish you've already caught". It's a family legend - I have no idea if it's true, but it ought to be. Anyway! There I was Sunday evening, gleefully clutching my rented copy of Dead Snow, a cup of hot tea and a snack, ready to settle in with the kind of good horror that also makes you laugh.


The tagline on the front of the movie below the title is Ein! Zwei! Die! and already, I was giggling. As well as randomly repeating it throughout the weekend with the best Teutonic accent I could manage, which was highly amusing to aforementioned coward boyfriend. The DVD menu plays Beethoven's Ode to Joy (again, gigglefest) and a minute and a half into the movie, I'd already jumped out of my chair once, which was closely followed by bursting out laughing.


And then… it got too much for me. This thing I decided to do after the Big Flare with not suppressing my feelings, being emotionally honest and open to the beauty of the world has had the unfortunate side effect of making me incapable of watching horror movies by myself. By minute 34 into the movie, I'd fast forwarded through two tense moments (none of which involved any actual visuals of zombies, brains or blood) and realized I simply couldn't watch the thing while it was dark outside. I think not having Mojo around made it harder, too - with her, I wasn't alone, but without her, the only possible explanation of that sense of someone else being in the apartment would be the Nazi zombies!, right? (reason #348 for getting another cat). So I turned it off, intending to finish it during daylight hours and despite this being two hours before I went to bed, I still had nightmares about the Nazi zombies.


Monday afternoon, I started the movie again and this time, I could watch without fast forwarding and was very happy I did - this seriously is one terrific movie. Classic horror formula, has some good tense moments, complete with occasionally screaming like a girl and laughing hysterically (often at the same time), but there's something about the Ein! Zwei! Die! aspect, with zombies dressed in neat SS uniforms and it all happening in Norwegian that takes it from standard into divine. Still, my Mandatory Rest Period was spent dreaming of…. you guessed it. Nazi zombies.


I am such a wuss. My younger self would be completely disgusted with this newly acquired lightweight nature.


Go rent Dead Snow. But you may want to consider watching it during the day.



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